$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
