you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
