I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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