I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
