R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
