Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
