My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
