Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
