I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
