Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
