hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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