I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
