Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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