apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize