A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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