Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
