I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
