I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
