Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
