my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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