That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
