trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
