just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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