If i come over, it means nothing
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
