Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize