I want to walk on stilts...naked
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
