ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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