I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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