I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
