i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
