tonight lets celebrate not being married
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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