i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
