god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
