there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
