I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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