They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
