i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
