I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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