he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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