I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do herpes really smell.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
