i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
