You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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