You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
