How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
