Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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