He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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