Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
