Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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