its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
