it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were trust falling into bushes
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