by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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