i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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