i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
