Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
