This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
