My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
