so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
