im six kinds of drunk right now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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