I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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