I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
