No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
