12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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