listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
