WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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