They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
