I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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