I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
