So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
