I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
