What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
