If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
