Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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