Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
