I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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