Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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