I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
