It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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