oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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