very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
