just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
