Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
