I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
