Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
