Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
