He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
