Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
