So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
