I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
