As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
