Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
