I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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