You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
