I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
