I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize