dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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