she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
