Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
