It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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