Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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