don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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