He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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