I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize