pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
