grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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