I got chris browned last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
