Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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