STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
