good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
