someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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