I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
