Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
