Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
