from now on my penis is your penis
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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