I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
