I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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