so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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