He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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